It’s hard sometimes. Well it sure feels like it. The critique in me criticizes every single thing I do or think and even feel.
My writing is non existent these days save for my notepad on this phone and a little bit in my other notebook.
Maybe Ive gone back to being a closet writer as I don’t write and post regularly and my blog is due for renewal but I’m still or rather leaning towards deleting the whole site. But that would be like deleting a part of me. I guess I could just leave it up but forgo the renewal.
(I wish I could have done better)
As much as I thought I would have loved to be a published author, just the thought of it turns me into an anxious mess as I don’t think I’d be able able handle bad press or nasty comments. But that’s part of the whole package that also come with positive feedback.
And it’s not like someone is gonna come knocking at my door or calling me to publish a book for them 🤷🏾♀️.
I blogged for two years and maybe yes, my intentions may have been to grow but I don’t want my writing to be seen or read as some superficial junk that I copy and paste for the sake of publishing a post because it’s not. It’s my life. It’s me out there, in the open, vulnerable to all and everyone.
That’s the thing about being an artist to and for the world. Your work is out there for all to see, hear and feel by others whom you’ve never (and most likely never will meet) met.
They get to ingest and experience a part of you in different ways and each one has their own unique experience at the same time.
Do I have thick skin? I certainly do not and at the same time, I do not want to have thick skin and become numb to the world and what it has to offer as it is a beautiful place.
And going through some spiritual phases has also played a vital part in me fulfilling my writing obligations that I’d set out for myself.
There had been moments of deep seated fear and moments of pure bliss. Whenever I would down and try to describe the emotions thereof I would come off (to me that is) as some hippity-weirdo.
(I think I’m being too judgmental here)
These words are from my personal diary and they were initially meant as a place to vent my frustrations with myself but now seem like a blog post about my fears and desires that never came to pass.
(Oh my God!? My use of absolute words is not looking good. This just shows my state of mind currently)
There’s a line from a house song that I like, it goes something like…. “We pray away the pain of not being in alignment with our dreams”
That’s my prayer for all of us. The journey is not always smooth (sounds so cliche) but it is worth it.
Remember why you began..
May the heavens continue watching over you and your loved ones.
Love and Light.